No Passion To Hold On To

Approaching midlife does not mean everything becomes a crisis. For me, it also has come with no passion for just about anything. Two years after graduating with a Bachelor’s degree and almost a year after being fired from my first job after graduation, I have not made an honest effort to go back into the workforce, and simply dread the thought of doing so.

RUNNING ON EMPTY

 Spending more than ten years chasing after dream majors, dream jobs and the things I thought I had a passion for with the ‘can do’/’must work harder’ attitude of youth, has left me feeling disillusioned and empty.  I have so many people pushing me to just do anything, because gritting your teeth through something that brings the money in is apparently better then … whatever the alternative may be.  I do not know how to explain that without feeling any connection to my job, you may as well tie my hands behind my back and tell me I have ten minutes to perform surgery on myself with no direction or  the world is doomed. The fear and pressure is immense and unbearable.

WHAT TO DO, NOW

So, I explored new adventures in life. I took on my first officer position in a club. I became a learning coach for my third and youngest son.  I am getting involved (actively) in an association that promotes sports for homeschoolers. I am forcing myself to sit down and write this blog, because I used to enjoy writing. And out of all of that, only one thing feels me with a passion and excitement that comes close to what I used to chase after in my 20s, and 30s. The learning coach position for my son.

I realize that I have one passion.  I am willing to work hard to help the people I love and care for realize their potential, become doers,  and follow the path that leads them to success.  I do not think that I am always good at it, and I have too many “Why do I bother?” days.  It is different, though, because I latch on to an idea of something that would ease my loved ones life bashing struggles, and I feel a renewed energy to help in any small way.

HERE IS WHERE I AM AT

I do not expect to get rich. In fact, I doubt I can ever get paid. It is something to stick with for as long as life lets me, though. It is something I do not have to grit my teeth through. The learning coach position has expanded. I am now a learning coach for my sister, who struggles through her online classes. I am trying to encourage my niece to go into a four year university when she graduates.

The club officer position has become a chance to help new friends approach their goals from a new perspective. I function as a sounding board when the club president and the other officers have an idea  or some new direction they want the club to go in. I am more often surprised and pleased to find that they listen to my opinion and respect it. They do not always go with what I suggestion, but I can live with that. Their respect and acknowledgements mean more than I can say. It does not pay the bills, it is not leading to a 401K, it has no stock options, but it is what I need for now.