Approaching midlife does not mean everything becomes a
crisis. For me, it also has come with no passion for just about anything. Two
years after graduating with a Bachelor’s degree and almost a year after being
fired from my first job after graduation, I have not made an honest effort to
go back into the workforce, and simply dread the thought of doing so.
RUNNING ON EMPTY
Spending more than
ten years chasing after dream majors, dream jobs and the things I thought I had
a passion for with the ‘can do’/’must work harder’ attitude of youth, has left
me feeling disillusioned and empty. I
have so many people pushing me to just do anything, because gritting your teeth
through something that brings the money in is apparently better then … whatever
the alternative may be. I do not know
how to explain that without feeling any connection to my job, you may as well tie
my hands behind my back and tell me I have ten minutes to perform surgery on
myself with no direction or the world is
doomed. The fear and pressure is immense and unbearable.
WHAT TO DO, NOW
So, I explored new adventures in life. I took on my first
officer position in a club. I became a learning coach for my third and youngest
son. I am getting involved (actively) in
an association that promotes sports for homeschoolers. I am forcing myself to
sit down and write this blog, because I used to enjoy writing. And out of all
of that, only one thing feels me with a passion and excitement that comes close
to what I used to chase after in my 20s, and 30s. The learning coach position
for my son.
I realize that I have one passion. I am willing to work hard to help the people
I love and care for realize their potential, become doers, and follow the path that leads them to
success. I do not think that I am always
good at it, and I have too many “Why do I bother?” days. It is different, though, because I latch on
to an idea of something that would ease my loved ones life bashing struggles,
and I feel a renewed energy to help in any small way.
HERE IS WHERE I AM AT
I do not expect to get rich. In fact, I doubt I can ever get
paid. It is something to stick with for as long as life lets me, though. It is
something I do not have to grit my teeth through. The learning coach position
has expanded. I am now a learning coach for my sister, who struggles through
her online classes. I am trying to encourage my niece to go into a four year university
when she graduates.
The club officer position has become a chance to help new
friends approach their goals from a new perspective. I function as a sounding
board when the club president and the other officers have an idea or some new direction they want the club to
go in. I am more often surprised and pleased to find that they listen to my
opinion and respect it. They do not always go with what I suggestion, but I can
live with that. Their respect and acknowledgements mean more than I can say. It
does not pay the bills, it is not leading to a 401K, it has no stock options,
but it is what I need for now.
